Tuesday, March 26, 2002
“Redefining the Terms of ‘Parent’ and ‘Child’”
Participants: Mary (Michael) and Laura (Belagia).
Elias arrives at 1:39 PM. (Arrival time is 24 seconds.)
ELIAS: Good day!
LAURA: Good day, Elias. (Elias chuckles) I guess I should just jump right in!
ELIAS: Very well.
LAURA: My daughter is home from school today, she’s five, and five-year-olds don’t usually have the patience to wait an hour ‘til Mommy can be with her again, but we’ll see what happens.
ELIAS: Ha ha ha ha! Very well!
LAURA: I’ve got her all set with granola bars and yogurt and milk and juice and blankets and a movie, so we’ll see. (Elias chuckles)
I would like to give you an impression first and see what you have to say about it: I have the feeling that I’m a final focus.
LAURA: I’m glad you said that, because that confirms a lot of experiences, if I look in my life and things that I’ve been noticing recently, too, but an on-going sense that there was something about life. It’s a kind of funny way to say it, but I’ve flirted with death, I guess, throughout my life in certain ways and I don’t feel afraid of death. In a certain way I yearn for it, but not to say I’m suicidal.
ELIAS: I am understanding.
LAURA: I have a tendency toward high drama, so I wanted to check this out. I have a feeling since I talked with you last, I was going through a period of deciding whether to stay or not at this time. (Slight pause)
LAURA: And I’ve decided to stay. But it was interesting; I went through a lot of strong emotional experiences and some emotions which I hadn’t experienced in a long time, and I hung out with them, stayed with them, to see what was communicated to me. That was the message that I got, that I was making the decision of should I stay or should I go, and I decided to stay.
But it was interesting, because, say, the week before that wasn’t an issue at all, and then it happened and I had to look around in my life and decide what was I staying here for at this time. I decided to stay – I really want to stay and be a family and be with my children and my husband as my children are growing up.
ELIAS: And what information did you offer to yourself in this process?
LAURA: That’s a great question. (Elias chuckles) I offered to myself confirmation that – I’m coming up with this as I’m telling you – I offered myself confirmation that it is my choice to be here or not to be here.
ELIAS: Correct, and...?
LAURA: And that I do want to be here at this time now.
ELIAS: And have you also offered yourself a glimpse of the process that you engage to be generating choices in listening to your communications to yourself and how you translate those communications objectively?
LAURA: I would say to the degree that I’m aware, at this point I have, and I think that’s been the theme. I spoke to you one month ago today for the first time. I see that’s been the theme of the month, widening my awareness and deepening my awareness of my communications to self.
ELIAS: Yes, I am understanding.
LAURA: I feel like in a certain way I’m on an Elias crash-course right now. (Elias laughs)
But this has been an element of my life, of looking inside and looking at my communications, for a very long time in a concrete way. I had a teacher from the time I was 21 ‘til I was 32, Rochelle, who helped me. Her whole job was for me to go and she would be an objective observer to help me become an objective observer of my own life, facilitate that in me, to look at belief systems and to ask a simple question which is, “Is it true?” And to just look and not even necessarily come to a conclusion, but to just look and see how feelings and thoughts and beliefs operate in my life. In the seeing, they would transform really seemingly of their own accord.
ELIAS: Correct, and this is actually a valid point that you are expressing, for many individuals assess that they must be analyzing and recognizing all of their beliefs and offering themselves absolute recognition of specific choices to incorporate a movement or an alteration of their perception, and this is not necessarily the situation. For, merely allowing yourself to notice that you ARE offering yourself a communication and listening to that communication and recognizing that you incorporate choice – simply, regardless of whether you identify specifically WHAT choices you incorporate – the mere movement of allowing yourself the knowing that you DO incorporate choice generates an automatic alteration within your perception, and in that movement you offer yourself an immediate validation which thusly generates more clarity within yourself, and in that clarity subsequently you shall offer yourself identifications of your direction, what you want, and what the particulars of choices may be.
LAURA: I’ve noticed since I’ve stopped working on myself in that kind of concrete way with my teacher, Rochelle... She retired, I had my first child a year almost to the day after she retired, and it’s been an interesting ride. My oldest child is seven and a half now, and I’ve noticed that I had a belief that I had to make choices for my children. This has been a conundrum for me because I feel confident in the choices I make for myself. Whether they lead to a pleasurable or an unpleasurable experience, I feel that whatever choice I made for myself I’ll understand or be aware at the level I can at that moment and that that’s okay. When I had children, I jumped into this whole new belief system that I hadn’t experienced before, where I felt completely responsible for every choice about their life. I think that’s an aspect of our culture.
ELIAS: Correct, and also a strongly expressed mass belief.
LAURA: So in a certain way for the last seven and a half years I moved away from ... I had periods of time of living from the inner rather than the outer as much as I was prior to having children. However, I’ve been much more externally focused since I’ve had children...
LAURA: ...or bouncing back and forth with that. Now I’m seeing also that my children’s expressions – I don’t have the Elias lingo down pat but I’ll see if I can do it – my children’s expressions are, in my awareness, reflections of my inner beliefs and experiences.
LAURA: That’s something big that’s been shifting for me over the last month, and also my interactions with my husband. It’s funny, because I’ve been able to see that with people I’m less connected to, but for my very close relationships that’s been harder for me to see, and now I’m seeing it that way. So my husband can say something and I see it as myself talking to myself rather than “Wait! He’s saying this thing to me! He has no right! Blah, blah, blah.” So that has just been wonderful. There’s just more of an ease in my relationship.
ELIAS: Quite! Yes, and this also allows you much more of a freedom, for you recognize the reflection in the expressions of other individuals, and this offers you the opportunity to examine what is being reflected to you concerning yourself.
Once recognizing the reflection, once again you allow yourself to be incorporating choices and you shift your perception from the other individual to self, which dissipates certain expressions that you may project outwardly in relation to the other individual, such as blame or judgment or incorporating expressions within yourself as disappointment or anger or irritation, anxiety. Many of these communications are dissipated, for your attention is not projected outwardly to the other individual and distracted in placing the responsibility of yourself upon the other individual, and also simultaneously allowing the other individual to dictate to you your choices and your behaviors.
LAURA: Now, then again, it’s easier with my husband because I know my husband’s completely responsible for himself as an adult. With my children it’s tougher in a certain way, because obviously they can’t completely take care of themselves. So I have some questions about how understanding my children as sovereign beings within themselves and their ability to make their own choices, how does that look in real, practical life.
For instance, their school choice has been really a big issue personally for me, and my son is very clear that he wants to continue going to the private school where he’s going. However, they require a great deal of homework, and so we go back and forth about how he doesn’t want to do the homework and yet that’s required at this particular school and yet this is the particular school he wants to go to – those kinds of things – and so I have these questions. Do I just not say, “Hey, you’ve got to sit down and do your homework and this is what we’re doing,” and sort of become stronger in my insistence that he sit down and do his homework because that’s a requirement, or do I just let him “Hey, it’s his thing and if he doesn’t do the homework then whatever happens at school about that is how he learns,” and those kinds of questions.
ELIAS: Very well. First of all, I shall acknowledge to you, as you are already aware, beliefs associated with relationships and the roles of relationships concerning parents and children are quite strongly expressed en masse and are quite influencing of you and many individuals in association with your choices.
Now; these beliefs are so tremendously affecting in the individual’s alignment with them that you generate automatic responses in association with your role. You view yourself to be the parent, and therefore your role is to be guiding, teaching and providing for and being responsible for these small ones; and you also define their roles in association with yourself, that their role is to be following, learning and receiving from you.
Now; first of all let me express to you, prior to the onset of this shift in consciousness, these beliefs did not generate the concern and conflict that they generate now, for prior to the onset of this shift in consciousness, alignment with these beliefs and automatic responses in conjunction with them was the accepted reality.
Now; in literal terms, over one hundred years has been incorporated in the subjective movement of this shift in consciousness, and as I have expressed and defined, now as you engage your new century, your new millennium, the movement of this shift in consciousness is altering and you are now moving the expression of it into your objective reality. Therefore, it becomes much more obviously expressed and you begin noticing that the alignment with certain beliefs and the attempt in continuation of expression of them no longer fits within your present reality, and generates a tremendous conflict and confusion, and creates much more of a challenge and difficulty and thickness in your movement. Therefore in that noticing, you begin to move your attention to offer yourself information in how to be placing the round peg in the round hole rather than attempting to place the round peg into the square hole.
Now; the first expression that I shall address to is the belief concerning roles. Be remembering, as you are inserting this shift in consciousness into your objective reality, you are redefining terms, and as you redefine terms you actually redefine your physical reality. This is quite real.
Now; in redefinition of terms, as you look to yourself, you redefine the terms of the roles, the term of “parent” and the association of son or daughter. For you are not necessarily redefining the term of child for this merely defines an age, but “son” or “daughter” defines a role that is viewed as subject to the parent.
In this, as you turn your attention to yourself and you allow yourself to genuinely examine the redefinition of terms and view yourself realistically and also view your reality realistically, you may redefine the term of “parent” as not a teacher and also not as a guidance individual and not more than the small one.
In this, the term “parent” is merely a definition of a choice that you have incorporated to facilitate the actual physical presentment of a manifestation of another essence of another focus of attention. But this is, in actuality, in quite realistic terms, the extent of your responsibility, regardless of what is expressed in mass beliefs.
Now; let me as an aside in this moment express to you, the beliefs are not being eliminated. Therefore, it matters not that you incorporate these beliefs, and in actuality the choices that you express in relation to the beliefs matters not also. What holds significance is that you recognize that you DO incorporate choice and that you pay attention to YOU and allow yourself an objective realization of what you are creating and therefore allow yourself to choose what you wish to be creating – whether you want to be creating drama and challenge and conflict and trauma, or whether you want to be creating an ease and therefore offering yourself more information concerning yourself and your reality.
In this, your role, as I have stated, is not teacher, is not guider, is not above or more knowledgeable, or provider in association with the small ones. Therefore, the first belief that you may examine and address to, recognizing that it continues to exist but also allowing yourself a clear definition of it and therefore offering yourself choice, is that these small ones do not NEED you. They do not need you to teach them; they do not need you to be responsible for them; they do not need you to provide for them. They are generating their reality in conjunction with you and also choose to be manifest in a particular society that does incorporate certain mass beliefs in relation to roles. But remember, these small ones have also chosen to be manifest in a specific time framework, and that time framework incorporates the objective insertion of this shift in consciousness.
Therefore, allow yourself a genuine recognition, for this is quite literal: small ones that are manifest now incorporate no less of an awareness of this shift than do you. In actuality, their objective communication of it may appear to you to be limited, but their action in association with it is quite clear.
Within your physical dimension, individuals throughout your world are not moving faster or slower in association with this shift in consciousness. You are all moving collectively in conjunction with each other. It may appear to any one of you, it may seem to you that some individuals may be moving more quickly or may be incorporating more of an objective understanding or recognition of this shift in consciousness, and this may be actually expressed with some individuals. But this does not negate the movement of other individuals, regardless of their allowance of their ability to communicate objectively to themselves, or to any other individual, their movement.
Therefore in this, small ones, as they manifest now, are in your terms born into this shift in consciousness in the expression of it in that moment. They do not need to be incorporating instruction or in your vernacular “catching up” to those of you that view yourselves to be adults. They already incorporate an objective awareness and they know that they are directing themselves.
LAURA: My children make that clear to me quite vocally and frequently! (Laughs)
ELIAS: Quite! For small ones now incorporate not merely a subjective awareness as you have collectively as incorporating older years previously, but they are born into this shift with an objective awareness that they are travelers with you, that they do not incorporate a necessity for you, and that they are quite objectively incorporating their choices and directing of themselves, and this generates conflict and challenge in association with the parents and their alignments with mass beliefs and expressions of beliefs that are quite familiar to you.
Now; once recognizing that these small ones are aware that they are creating their reality and also recognizing that you are not their teacher – just as no other individual within your reality is your teacher, you are fellow travelers, and what you offer to each other are your experiences and your allowances of yourselves to present an example in sharing experiences in interaction with each other – your action and movement is the same with your children as it is with any other individual. You offer other individuals the recognition somewhat that they are creating their reality, and in your associations and your beliefs you afford them this acknowledgment, to an extent. For at times you do not associate that expression even with other individuals that you view to be adults, for you offer advice, which is your expression outwardly that you may be creating their reality more efficiently than they are creating their reality.
LAURA: Right, that helper.
ELIAS: Ha ha ha! But in this, what is more strongly expressed is that small ones do not create their reality – you must create reality for them, for they are incapable of creating their own reality. And this is QUITE incorrect! What you generate in force of energy, attempting to continue to express the actions, the movements and the roles that no longer fit within your objective reality, what you generate is a tremendous expression of frustration, conflict, anxiety and thickness in energy. For the more you attempt to force, the more you reflect force and the more thickness you generate.
Now; I may express to you in relation to the small ones – reminding yourself that they are generating their choices and in PAYING ATTENTION TO YOU, which is your greatest expression of offering to them – you may be interactive with them, listening to their expressions and offering acceptance and allowance within yourself in paying attention to yourself for their choices.
Now; in the example that you have offered concerning the older child, you express that he has expressed his choices to be continuing within a particular school but that he also chooses not to be compliant with the rules of the school. I may express to you, presently this is QUITE common in the expressions of small ones now, which is also an objective expression of directing themselves and their resistance in the allowance of other individuals to dictate to them their choices. And they do rail against this force of energy, for they KNOW they are directing of themselves, and they incorporate an actual powerful expression of acknowledgment of themselves which, within the familiarity of your beliefs, appears to many of you as adults to be arrogant, to be obnoxious, to be difficult and negative. In actuality, they are allowing themselves to express what you are attempting to offer yourselves permission to express.
In this, if his choice is not to be complying with the rules of the establishment, this is HIS choice. It is not your responsibility to be creating his reality. But allow yourself a genuine recognition also that there are strongly expressed beliefs within yourself that if he is not compliant with the rules, this is a reflection upon your skill in your role as the authority of the parent. This also generates another belief that if he is not compliant with the rules that he shall be undisciplined and unproductive as an individual. This is not necessarily the situation. In this also, you may recognize that you are opening a window to objectively view this web of beliefs that are all intertwined with each other concerning how you view yourselves, how you view other individuals, what you value within your expressions, the...
LAURA: This would be the main reason I decided to have children. Before I had children, I could be much more in my own little world in mind, and I didn’t have to confront these kinds of beliefs, I would say.
ELIAS: You did not offer yourself a motivation to be examining these beliefs. Now you do, which is significant.
For in this shift in consciousness, you all are examining beliefs and generating the movement to be accepting of them and recognizing that you incorporate choice to generate a genuine expression of freedom and therefore expanding your reality. In this, you are not merely accepting SOME of your beliefs; you are moving to accept ALL of your beliefs. Therefore, you generate certain experiences to allow you to recognize beliefs that you may not necessarily have noticed within other time frameworks.
And these small ones do offer a clear reflection to you. They do challenge you to examine your expressions and your beliefs, and they also offer a clear expression to you in objective terms of what you are attempting to offer to yourself: a genuine freedom to be directing of yourself and not allowing yourself to be subject to the dictates or demands of expectations, of societies, of beliefs, of other individuals or even of circumstances. (Laura sighs)
In this, my friend, I express to you, you shall offer yourself much more of an ease, much more of an intimacy with these small ones, much more of an expression of joyfulness with these small ones in relationship with them as you genuinely allow yourself to pay attention to YOU and what YOU are expressing. I may express to you quite sincerely, as you incorporate that action, it reflects outwardly and it is noticed by other individuals. Small ones are quite attentive, and in that attentiveness they pay attention to example. They may strongly project back to you a lack of acceptance of your expression to dictate to them, but in equal or more intensity they pay attention to the example that you generate and allow themselves a validation of their own expressions.
Let me express to you, they are also quite aware of payoffs and expectations. In this, they recognize their own payoffs, and they recognize those in conjunction with your expectations.
You shall offer a specific type of attention to this small one in association with his choice to not be compliant with the rules, and in his recognition of your expectation that he should be generating a specific expression, he also recognizes that he offers to himself the payoff that HE wants, not in relation to the school and the rules, but in relation to you and your interaction with him. In this, you also generate an expectation of yourself, and he is aware of that expectation also. It needs not be spoken; it is recognized in objective expression and in energy. And he is quite objectively aware that you generate expectations of yourself that you must be incorporating certain expressions as the parent.
LAURA: Right. We are just about out of time; I think we have two or three minutes left. So, we got to ONE of my questions! (Laughs, and Elias laughs)
So, I just want to quickly, for fun, I want to see how I’m doing on getting impressions of the family and alignments, etcetera, for my immediate family.
ELIAS: Very well.
LAURA: Zane you already told me was Sumari/Ilda, and I would like to continue that with is he also thought and common?
ELIAS: Political and common.
LAURA: Political and common. I have no sense of political, so I’ll have to look that up on Paul’s website. (1)
My husband Allen – I’m just going to go for it – Sumari/Ilda, thought, common.
LAURA: Yes. Zane and my husband seem to be two peas in a pod in many ways, very similar. (Elias laughs)
Okay, my daughter, Cyan – I’m having a much more difficult time coming up with her families, and I’m just going completely on impression. I really don’t even know what these families are about so much, and I don’t know which one is alignment or family, but these are my impressions – Gramada and Borledim?
ELIAS: Yes, you are correct.
LAURA: That blows me away! That was completely trusting myself with no information.
ELIAS: Therefore you may acknowledge yourself! Ha ha ha!
LAURA: Yes, I’ll do that! (Elias chuckles) Okay, and then I would say emotional...
LAURA: ...and also common?
LAURA: Okay. (Elias chuckles) What fun!
ELIAS: I may express to you, my friend, a tremendous acknowledgment in our interaction this day, for although you express that you have incorporated merely one question in our interaction, this one question in your movement was quite significant.
LAURA: Yes, I’m sure I only have a tiny glimpse of how significant, at this point.
ELIAS: For in your movement presently, you are genuinely attempting to offer yourself information that you may objectively understand how to be generating your reality in an efficient manner and without creating conflict, and this is to be acknowledged.
I offer to you tremendous encouragement, for I incorporate an awareness that you have generated a tremendous movement in turning your attention recently, which, once again, I am acknowledging of.
I anticipate our next meeting; I shall offer a playful energy with you in the interim time framework...
LAURA: Yay! (Laughs)
ELIAS: ...and I also express to you in great affection, au revoir.
LAURA: Thank you, Elias.
Elias departs at 2:34 PM.
© 2002 Mary Ennis, All Rights Reserved.