ALICIA: “The other thing I wanted to talk about is my kids. That’s the other thing that is really troubling me and I need some help with. I’m trying to figure out why it seems that all they want to do is fight with each other. I have four of them. Especially my oldest, Daniel, and my next to youngest, Teddy, are constantly at each other, either because of an issue of space or teasing or whatever. Sometimes the tension in the house gets to be too much. I also have some concerns about my son Daniel in terms of all he seems to want to do is lay around on the sofa and watch television and play Gamecube. I know it’s not my job, but I do have a lot of concern about him in terms of doing something with his life and using his energy. I’m having problems with the idea of him being on the sofa all the time. I was wondering if you could help clarify some of these issues regarding the four of them.
ELIAS: First of all, I shall express another exercise. In this, for the incorporation of two more of your weeks, do not concentrate your attention upon these four individuals. Do not concern yourself with what they do or what they choose. Concern yourself with you. Pay attention to you, almost to the exclusion of paying attention to them.
ALICIA: That’s going to be hard when they are screaming and yelling, saying, ‘Mom!’
ELIAS: And you may express that you are invisible.
ALICIA: I can say that to them?
ELIAS: You do not exist in this atmosphere any longer! Therefore, as you have not acknowledged your own existence previously, now you shall generate the reverse. You shall acknowledge your own existence to the exclusion of theirs, therefore creating the reverse expression of energy. Now you do not exist in their atmosphere. You exist in yours but not in theirs. For two of your weeks, practice this exercise.
ALICIA: For how long? Once a day?
ELIAS: NO. You no longer exist in that atmosphere from this moment!
ALICIA: Oh, I see. For like hundreds of hours?
ELIAS: For the entirety of...
ALICIA: The two weeks?
ALICIA: Do you recommend I get some earplugs?
ELIAS: (Laughs) If you are so choosing, or remove yourself from the environment, if you are so choosing – in any manner that you choose, but you no longer exist in that environment. You only exist in your own environment.
This shall accomplish many different actions. It interrupts your constant agitation and projection of that agitation in energy. It interrupts their expectation of your participation in their frustrations and agitations. It interrupts their rebellion against the energy that you project, dictating to them of what you want them to do or how you want them to behave.
There are many actions in energy that are occurring in your environment. You are all participating with each other in this environment, and you have established these roles and these behaviors as patterns. The point is to interrupt all of these patterns with one action.
ALICIA: Here’s a situation that I am thinking of. How do I handle feeding them, then? If they are invisible, then they have to feed themselves?
ELIAS: Correct. What you are generating in this exercise is being responsible for YOU, not being personally responsible for each of them. You are projecting an energy as an example for them to be responsible for each of themselves, rather than generating the expectation of you acquiescing and complying and interceding and fixing and directing with each of them. This is not your job. But you continuously perpetuate all of these circles and these interactions for you are continuously acquiescing.
ALICIA: I know that when you said that on Saturday about the fear of not having the power to acquiesce, I knew part of that was connected to my relationship with my kids.
ELIAS: Yes, quite strongly.
ALICIA: Yes, very, very strongly. And it was with my ex-husband.
ELIAS: Yes, I am aware. But now is the time for your acknowledgment of your power and your existence.
ALICIA: Now, if I am really struggling with being able to do this continuously for fourteen days, should I just acknowledge what I have been able to do?
ELIAS: Yes, and allow yourself to incorporate your exercise for relaxation, and in your terms, regroup yourself and begin again. Do not discount yourself. If you become overwhelmed, acknowledge that. Allow yourself to intentionally generate an action that shall allow you to relax, which shall be very helpful in re-establishing your center, your balance and the acknowledgment of your existence.
What is the challenge in this and what shall be the most difficult is for you to maintain your awareness of your existence without offering that over to the other individuals, in which you within you no longer exist but only exist in their environment. That shall be the most challenging for you, which is the reason that it is important, very important, that you actually physically remove yourself from the environment momentarily and move yourself into your exercise to relax and generate that balance of centeredness within yourself and re-establish your existence within you. That is ultimately the most important.
ALICIA: So, would it be okay for me to let them know, kind of give them a heads up that this is what I am going to do? I think if I just walked out of the house, that might freak them out. But if I’m saying I’m going to be doing this as a way to regroup and re-center...
ELIAS: In association with your relaxation?
ELIAS: You may; you may express quite briefly. It is not necessary for you to offer lengthy explanation. But you may express briefly, 'I am choosing to incorporate a walk. I shall return shortly.' It is not necessary that you justify yourself. In offering lengthy explanation as to what you are doing, that is a form of justifying yourself.
ALICIA: Which is a form of defense.
ELIAS: And also discounting. Therefore, do not incorporate that action. The point in all of these actions that we are discussing is to allow you to establish a connection with you and to become familiar with you and to discover your strengths.” [session 1807, July 23, 2005]
Digests – see also: | attention (doing and choosing) | fear | noticing self |
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