In Memoriam, Margot Reed (1931-2005)
[Note: Margot was kind enough to write an intro for this website, which was featured in the Intro for many years. We've added it here for those who may not know her.]
Long before Iíd heard anything about Elias, while meditating one day, Iíd come to the realization that I was in transition, except that I didnít have a name for it; I knew only that I seemed to be in some ďin between placeĒ between life and death. This place, however, didnít appear to have much purpose in my life, and I didnít think about it very much. Iíve never paid much attention to any new idea or concept that doesnít quite literally grab me by the shoulders and shake me into recognition, and it wasnít until early 1997 that this sort of quaking would begin.
A few months prior to that, Iíd met a nice young California woman named Vicki in a Seth online message board. Iíve always loved Seth, and this mutual admiration made us instant friends; and it wasnít long before Vicki began telling me about another ďdead guyĒ by the name of Elias, who engaged an energy exchange with a woman named Mary, and Elias, she said, seemed to be a lot like Seth. Since Vicki transcribed the sessions, she offered to email transcripts to me.
Eliasí messages were interesting, and although he spoke of the action of transition, it didnít occur to me that this should be of any particular interest to me. Although I became a regular recipient of the transcripts, I didnít find them particularly overwhelming until late in February 1997, when a highly peculiar event threatened to propel me into lunacy: I acquired carbon monoxide poisoning when my husband Howard and I were forced to spend five hours in a snowstorm on a freeway, grateful that we could keep the engine running and stay warm. Although Howard suffered no ill-effects, I was soon incoherent and very confused.
I felt Iíd been split into two parts, two people; one of me watched the chaos and remained quite sane; the other me remained so traumatized that she couldnít have told you her name. It was then that the still coherent me managed to turn on the computer, and begin sending desperate emails to Vicki, my only link to Elias, that loving entity who warned of the personal traumas to be avoided in both transition and the presently ongoing shift in consciousness.
In my stupor, it seemed to me that Vicki sat waiting for my babbling, hallucinating emails for the next few days. She answered each one immediately; she comforted and pleaded with me to be patient; she never laughed at my hallucinations, and she kept me talking and typing. In short, she simply loved me, and one day, I began thinking straight again. And I also began wondering how I could assist in furthering Eliasí work.
Two months later, after I was fully recovered, Howard and I went to California to meet Vicki, her husband Ron, and Mary, who engages the energy exchange with Elias. It occurred to me then that my clerical background included transcribing and could be of service to this small community of people so eagerly working to get the information offered by Elias into the hands of the many people interested in reading it.
Although I work full time in our business, a blueprinting and reprographics firm here in Flagstaff, Arizona, I can usually dedicate some time in the afternoons to listening to and transcribing from Elias session tapes, and this remains the part of the day that I treasure most! I wouldnít miss it for anything!
Margot passed away on Monday July 18, 2005 @ 3:30 A.M. As many know, Margot began chemo for breast cancer back in June, so this news is a bit of a shock for us. She was a good friend of ours whom we got to know through our mutual friend Vicki Pendley. Vic and Elias helped Margot work through some serious challenges 7-8 years ago. She helped to transcribe the sessions for many years, attended group sessions, and had a bunch of private sessions, so her legacy is woven through the transcripts.
We last saw her in January, here in Castaic, at the Elias group session along with about 50 others.
In the mean time, feel free to contact her husband Howard (Gandra@aol.com) to express your condolences. She was cremated. There will not be a viewing.
After we got this news I went to the Elias forum, thought of Margot, and mentally asked Elias to give me an appropriate gem, not expecting anything literal. Hereís what came up:
ďWhen you die, in your terms, you are not absorbed into enlightenment. You do not become part of the whole, losing your identity and individuality. You are a new expression of essence, never to be repeated again. You also are interconnected within consciousness to all elements of essence. Therefore, you may experience what you view to be past lives or future lives and you may identify with these as yourself, although they are not yourself. If you choose, as I have stated previously, you may bring forth another focus and physically view before you a past life within the same time/space. Within your understanding, you may not be this individual and yourself also, for you are not; although you hold the same consciousness.Ē [session 133, November 17, 1996]
Interesting sync, as always. We will miss you dear Margot, and trust that you continue your adventures in consciousness.
Paul & Jo Helfrich
Jo and I were talking about Margot last night and our conversation triggered a short dream recall, which got me all excited. It occured 2-3 nights ago. Now, Margot had a thing for death and transition, but also had an interest in the famous focuses and kept a list for several years. She distributed it for a while via email.
So in the dream, Margot posted something wonderful to NWV. Though I donít recall the exact topic, it was of incredibly high quality, well thought out and researched. I was really impressed by the detail.
Thatís all I remember, but I realized that this was my way of processing Margotís final hours on this earth. So I felt closer to her somehow, and trust from the feeling-tone of that dream post, that sheís doing just fine wherever she is.
Weíll miss you old friend.
She was a butterfly when I first met her. I was a bug crawling out from under a rock. I watched her flit and swoop from flower to flower. Always smiling. Always curious. Always being the most wonderful person I had ever met.
And then she noticed me. I donít know the precise moment when this occurred, but it did. I do know it was during the spring of 1988 in Fullerton, California, when she was teaching a class at Psynetics called, One Bright Shining Moment. (What a title. If that doesnít describe Margot, I donít know what does.) I was attending a class that I had thought was being offered by the author of a book about Nicolas Tesla, the inventor of alternating current electrical system generators, who with George Westinghouseís financial backing electrified the world. The authorís name was Margo Chaney. It seemed that the title of the class fit Tesla and I signed up for it. But this Margot was not that Margo. I knew right away I was in the wrong class, but because I had paid the money I stayed and I have been eternally grateful for sticking around. You see, the butterfly that she was, caught me in her smile and Iíve been her prisoner ever since.
When Margot spotted me sitting in her class she always called on me to express my take on what she had said. I responded and she countered and we got to know each other by what we knew and what books we had been reading. She said to me once, ďI have met a man who knew as much as I do.Ē That was the basis of our relationship. She could talk to me and I could talk to her.
The rock I was crawling out from under was a marriage that I could not live within any longer. I had been married for 22 years and I calculated I had spent seven years with my wife and children. I fathered two boys, had a fancy house in Dana Point and a job that took me around the world three time and paid me a ton of bucks. But I had spent fifteen years ... let me repeat, fifteen years living in foreign countries and remote job sites, on the road here and there and coming home late in the evening and I was sick of it. I decided I was going crazy. Or maybe I was already crazy and didnít know it.
At first I blamed the job and my need to earn a lot of money. I learned that the money didnít matter. I just hated going home. To stay away I bowled so much I became a semi-pro and made a good money at it. Other times I would find a place alone and I would read books, write poetry and essays and when I came home I would share my stuff with my wife and she would say, ďSo What?Ē We had nothing in common. I built walls between us and stopped sharing my stuff and I knew our marriage was over. I concluded that my life was not worth the emptiness I was experiencing.
Something was missing. And so it was, ten months prior to meeting Margot, one day in June 1987, I made the most difficult decision I have ever made in my life. It was with great terror and apprehension I told my wife I was leaving her. I tried to say that it wasnít her, it was me. I tried to say that all I cared about was her happiness. Money, things and possessions were what I thought she wanted. I did not know until I met Margot, that a kiss and hug are worth one mansion and twenty diamonds.
I told my wife that all I cared about was making her happy and I was miserable because I wasnít happy. She laughed at the absurdity. She didnít understand. I didnít understand. I went downstairs to tell my oldest son that I had to go. I gave him a hug and went back upstairs and told my wife I was quitting my job and that she could have the house. I took my car, my guitar and two suitcases and I left. Iíve never looked back.
And here I am talking to you about Margot and how I came to meet her and how she helped me crawl out from under a rock and become the person you know.
For all of you: She is a princess, a queen of mirth and wisdom. The laughter, the sense of humor - everything about her is blithe and joy. She is blithe and joy.
If I was perceived to be a stick in the mud to some people, she is the one who transformed the mud into fudge. If I am a nice man to you it is because Margot has eased my edges, polished my chrome and made me feel special for just being in her company. I adore her. Thatís the plain and simple fact of me and Margot.
Some have said we are an odd couple. If odd is mutual adoration then we are truly odd.
You do not know me without knowing Margot. Without her I would have been dead ten years ago. She has often said the same to me.
We are the results of a marriage made in Cottonwood, Arizona on April 22, 1989. We were bound at the hip someone said. And thatís the truth. Our marriage was made in heaven eighteen years ago and we have never looked back.
Our past experiences are similar but not the same. We both left a marriage of twenty-two years and started all over again. We both belonged to the same church. We had read all of the literature, sacred books and discourses of the church. It was on this mutually shared experience that we built our relationship. We could talk and explore other ideas. We fed off each others ideas and thoughts; never once feeding off each other.
And the years flew by.
I met her extended family and she met mine.
And here we are.
What more can I say?
Dearest Margot, Bertha Rose Mortensen, mother, mom, wife, companion - dear friend, I love you. Enjoy the eternity that awaits you, dear butterfly. And keep a light on for me.
At 9:40 AM, KC Nana said...
At 9:54 AM, Myranda said...
At 10:49 AM, Anonymous said...
At 11:33 AM, Marj said...
Thoughts of Margot, July 11,2005
The first time I ever met Margot was in Castaic, Joanne and I came to California for a Session and Memorial Service for Vicky. In fact we were sitting in Vickyís living room when Margot breezed in. Petite, blond, smiling Margot. I had read emails, and transcripts of hers but had never seen her before. I immediately loved her voice and her smile, her whole face actually. What a great personality she has. She is witty, smart, clever, caring and elegant...everything I ever wanted to be.
I believe it was at the Donner Party Reunion though that I felt the real depth of my love for this beautiful woman. We had discovered that Margot and Howard were my Mom and Dad in that focus. We have found that there are other focuses together but this one stands out the most in my mind. In that focus, Margot was Margret Reed, my mother. She was a strong woman, very courageous, she saved our lives on that trip long ago. Characteristics she carries in this lifetime as well.
I remember we were at dinner in a large group and Margot was sitting at the head of the table and I couldnít take my eyes off of her. She was so beautiful, I enjoyed her company so much, I was very emotional and so was she. The love I felt for her, was so intense. I remember at one point feeling guilty about this feeling, where my Mother in this focus was concerned and then suddenly Margotís face morphed into my Momís face and then back into Margotís face and back again to My Momís face, this happened repeatedly. It was a mind blowing experience.
I donít suppose I have ever laughed harder, and longer than I have when I have been in her company. Everything just sparkles around her. She has been my daughter and I have been hers. My Joanne speaks of when her Dad was dying....she knew they had been together many times before....she had brushed his hair before, held him on her lap before.....felt her arms aching to hold him again. I thought this so beautiful but had not experienced this myself....till now...when I think of Margot, I know what Joanne means.
I also can not speak of Margot without speaking of Howard. The two are One. I have been in their company enough times to recognize the closeness between them. Its beautiful to watch them together. The last time I saw them, was at their home, last year, Sharon and I had visited overnight. We had a great time but what I remember most was in the morning, the TV was on and Sharon and I were packing up getting ready to leave and Margot and Howard sat quietly talking in the living room, they were in another world together, Sharon and I didnít exist. I cannot imagine one without the other.
This all leads me to thinking about the many focuses they have shared. I once heard they had spent over 3,000 years together, and it just blew my mind. How many times they have loved each other, cared for each other, fought with each other, did each other in maybe. Imagine what it is that draws them together so many times over so many years and it shows in their faces even now with each look, each act, each breath.
I canít begin to tell you what an impact you have had on me. What a beautiful picture I carry in my heart of you...and how much I thank you for being a part of my life/my lives.
At 11:41 AM, Anonymous said...
What a wonderful love you live! I thought a lot about Margot and you in the last time and didn't know exactly why.
(We met at the Elias Group Session in Vienna)
At 10:36 PM, Christine Hayward Schmaleberg said...
I hope to see you soon.--for a big hug!
At 1:26 PM, Rodney/Zacharie said...
I have met you and Margot only a few times but it seems like years of fun and laughter got focused into those ever so brief moments. You reported on Room 155 with such wit that I need not remind you of the event, but I want to share that my consuming a fifth of scotch with Margot that night now seems only incidental to the intimate humor that flowed through our laughter. Her sense of funny is a tonic that not only fills my heart today but also wraps my soul in tenderness. And she did it again as we sat around a picnic table in Carrol's back yard. Howard, these moments are very bright jewels in my treasure chest of memories. I truly believe she will keep the light on for you, and for the rest of us visitors who come by from time to time.
One more little tidbit. I once volunteered to be a stand up comic in a variety show for the spiritual institute I belong to. What possessed this overly serious demeanor of mine to act so unaturally can in large part be laid at Margot's feet, for I had been enjoying her witty emails for quite soom time. All I did that night was read the jokes from her emails. I had never done anything like this before and I want to tell you that my experience of watching 50 some odd people lose themselves in total mirth that night is also a gift from Margot I shall never forget.
The first time I met you and Margot in Castaic she asked me how old I was and was so disapointed that I was a year or so youger than her. It was precious to hear her say she was tired of being the oldest one in the group and had hoped I would take her place. I felt charmed by her just by sharing our ages.
I love you both dear friend. May peace be with you.
At 6:15 PM, Howard said...
At 6:22 PM, Howard said...
You have a life to experience. Margot never stopped talking about you and how much she enjoyed seeing you becoming the lovely yound woman you are today.
Enjoy the journey she might say.
Thank you for comments. She is smiling big-time and looks forward to the blessings that await you.
At 6:25 PM, Howard said...
Be sure to pull Marj's finger the next time she gets full of gas.
August 11, 2005
I had a wonderful experience last night and must share it with you.
I got into bed around 12:30 am and was very, very tired. I began drifting nicely off but before I did I found myself sort of hovering at the 'alpha' level of consciousness. An image began to form, very vague at first, but then it clearly was a young woman - around 17 years old. short blonde hair, small features, slim, maybe 5' 3" or so (hard to tell) - very bright and lively, very busy and moving very fast, but she stopped and looked at me and gave me a huge smile of recognition. I didn't recognize her at all, but then she 'morphed' beautifully into Margot! I recognized her from the photos on the Elias website. There were many other people in this place with her - it was a large room (almost like a lobby, or a place where one would meet for a large gathering) with many widows, very bright and beautiful and simply furnished. The other people I believe were all her other focuses - I asked Elias if they were and 'heard' him say "Correct." One big party! Well, that was my translation of it anyway!
I can't tell you the feeling I had - it was truly wonderful. I felt sheer, utter joy at seeing her, and even though we never met physically in this life, I know without a shadow of a doubt that "It matters not!" We know each other initmately and we always have - and that goes for ALL of us! Margot was having a wonderful time ..... there was an air of excitement and fun that permeated the entire experience.....like a kid in a candy or toy store! Oh, I wish I could have put it on video for you!
I hope you are feeling more at peace within yourself Howard. It's still very early days, and I can only imagine how much you must miss your darling Margot. You'll be OK though, just have to be patient and 'ride the wave of change'. You'll start feeling better soon, day by day, moment by moment, it will come.
With love, Vivien
Giselle to Marshuka
(Howard's note: from the Archives. This was an e-mail from Margot to Vic in March 1996. It is loaded with imagery. Change some dates and it is May 2005. If you want to know about transition this should help.)
To Marshuka, Elias and Company Very warm greetings to all of you!
I am Margot, or Jeselle as Elias calls me, or Giselle, as Ron's Paul seems to know me. I have only been reading Vic's scripts since December, so you know much more about all the things Elias has been telling you than I do. However, I'm a Sethie for a long time, so the information coming through Mary is familiar even though I don't think I understand all of it. At any rate, as I've read the scripts, I feel I've gotten to know all of you, and I enjoy your questions and comments so much. I even told Vicki at one point that I have these pictures of you all in my mind, and I told her a little about how you all look. While she didn't quite laugh at me, she did set me straight!
Because of what's been happening to me recently, Vic has asked that I submit some questions about transition to Elias tonight. This has been quite difficult for me and right now I can't remember exactly what I've asked, but I can read them again when I get tonight's script want to give you a little background on this curious thing that has befallen me, and tell you from my perspective how it feels.....which at times during the last week has been quite dreadful. However, I appear to have gotten on the other side of things. I must have or else I wouldn't feel I could write to you today.
I began going into transition on March 18, 1991, and because I had the counseling of my dear friend, a Mongolian-Native American Shaman by the name of Jade Wah'oo, he has been helping me to understand this thing ever since. He calls it a "Shamanic Death," and he speaks in terms different than Elias, but it all turns out to be the same condition. So Jade has very gently been leading me along, helping me to understand what I needed to know. The problem is that even though I felt I understood, I have now realized it was only from an intellectual standpoint, and the real understanding comes only when you finally allow yourself to feel it, to be it.
So, during these last six years, I have continued receiving messages, advising me (I thought) as to when I would actually die, be totally dead, you know. Death has never frightened me, in fact it has been my chief source of study for most of my life. And so I very carefully, during the last 6 years, went about keeping my so-called will in order, planning the kind of (quite far out) funeral I wanted, etc. However, a message and a vision a little over a year ago told me that I'd become something called "self-actualized," and that for me, at least, part of that meant that there would be no more death messages, that when I decided to leave the earth plane, I would simply decide to do so, and well, die dead. That was a very exciting vision/message because I have always been so excited about going through the shift in physicality, and I really wanted to be here for the whole thing. The whole damn thing.
I began tumbling onto the real facts of this transition thing only when Carole, the visitor to your group in January, allowed me to read the transcript of her private session with Elias. When he explained transition to her, I suddenly understood that I had actually been in transition since 1991, that this transition-within-physicality-thing was exactly what Jade had been trying to make me understand. You may think that I've been terribly dim-witted about the whole thing, but I've found that because of fear, we only allow ourselves to comprehend tiny pieces of a concept at any one time. Something protects us from ourselves and from knowledge about ourselves. Perhaps Elias could explain sometimes just what that something is. I've always called it "ego," but that seems to be just another belief system we've picked up to help us explain our personalities and our confusion to ourselves. But even though I finally began getting clear about transition because Carole shared Elias' words, it was still only an intellectual exercise. I had no idea what was coming. I have to tell you honestly that I'm really happy, now, that I didn't know what was coming.
Then, on February 28th, a very severe winter storm hit northern Arizona, and almost at the same time, I began feeling pain in my lungs. My husband and I were at our office and we decided we'd better head for home about 3:00 in the afternoon. We live about 6 miles from downtown Flagstaff, usually no more than a 20-minute trip through the traffic and on to the freeway. However, for reasons I will not detail for you here, we were 5-1/2 hours getting home. I'm still very confused about the following week, because I was quite ill with the lung congestion, and no amount of antibiotics, cortizone and oxygen seemed to help much.
Because I was so confused and disoriented, I determined I'd had a stroke. My perception was several ticks off from reality, or what I perceived to be reality at least, and I concluded I was quite insane. My kitchen, for example, lost a foot or two of space on one side, and this upset me. I was continuing to drive to the office every day, and I realized that I didn't understand any more which side of 60 on the speedometer meant I was going too fast. I have been an accountant all my adult life, and I could barely think my way through making up an invoice or figuring out a bank deposit.
Last Tuesday night, I finally took all my inner turmoil and anxiety to Howard, and he immediately called Jade. And once again, Jade went over everything, trying to make me (finally) understand. Jade explained I was in a permanent altered state now, and that I couldn't expect to function as I had all my life. He said, again, that soon the veil would be so thin between the "departed" and us that we would be rubbing shoulders all the time with the "dead." He said I was really a "ghost" now even though people could see me. He said everything he could think to say, I'm sure, to get me to really understand, finally, what I'd been moving into for so long. He had some very good advice for me as well, and I took it to heart.
He said I must begin writing about the experience. I needed to write my message for others to read. It would be, he said, like a message from another planet back to earth. I wasn't sure at that point that I could even turn the computer on, but like a lot of other things I didn't think I remembered how to do, I found my way into the computer and even into the email, and I headed straight for dear Vicki. I knew she understood a lot more about transition than I did, and even though I thought I was totally insane by that time, I wasn't afraid to confide in her. And so Vicki became my complete focus, my only window into reality for several days.
Bless Vicki, folks. She hung right in there with me, reading all the words pouring out of me, and answering right back, constantly assuring me that I was okay, or that I was going to be okay. I went through periods of intense anger and Vic caught the brunt of it. I went through severe sadness and depression. I considered killing myself, but fortunately, I guess, I just couldn't get my wits together enough to figure out how to do it. But through it all, the blessings began to flow and outright miracle flooded into my life.
On Wednesday, my deceased parents and brother spent the entire day with me, and I sat here writing and writing and feeling all that love, and crying buckets, but oh, it was so good to cry because it made me begin feeling connected to the world again. The next day, I found myself in bad need of a funeral. I just wanted everyone who had ever loved me to come and have this funeral and talk about what a great person I'd been, all the things I'd done in my life. That day, I thought I'd pass away simply from sadness for the me that I'd lost.
I couldn't figure out just where I'd gone or who this was sitting like a mad woman in a tower and typing, typing, typing. It was that day that, would you believe, Jane Roberts came busting through, trailing a full-fledged Irish wake with her. Since I was (of course) writing to Vic at the time it happened, I kept telling her what Jane was saying, and how Jane was telling me to lighten up, for god's sake, get my sense of humor back and not take all this so seriously. She was raunchy and ribald and got me to laughing, and by the time she left, I was oh, so much better.
And so, I guess I began turning a corner that day, and with Vic's continued flood of reassuring communications, I more and more managed to pull myself out of the mess I'd become. And then lately, there is this entity by the name of Paul that Ron seems to know, and Paul's messages have been the best medicine I could ever have had. Far more effective than antibiotics. Thank you again, Ron. I am learning to know this new me, and she is a pistol at times. She's gotten herself fixated on buying some new clothes, having her hair done at the beauty shop, and she wants a new place to live and would you believe, another bed.
Early in the week, I was very much concerned about Howard. Even in my insanity, I recognized that I'd created this strange new reality, but I couldn't figure out why Howard had gotten himself trapped with someone who doesn't even know who she is. However, it came to me that he either agreed to cooperate in my reality or that he, too, created this. He has been marvelous. He keeps talking to me, telling me about things, even though most of the time I haven't a clue what he's going on about. I just like to hear him talk. He's helped me finally write to some of my children -- the ones who might be able to somehow comprehend that their mother is here but not here.
Vic says that Elias hasn't kept you in the dark about the hell that this is. If she hadn't told me that, I would never dare to go on like this in front of you. You cannot imagine anything like it unless you are, yourself, experiencing it. She has comforted me by relating some of the problems she and Mary have had. She's convinced me that she really does understand. So listen up, folks, you are evidently headed in the same crazy direction. You'll never understand the transition thing from a purely mental standpoint. You only BEGIN to understand when that mysterious protection thing inside you starts dissolving and allowing you to feel it, to know it with your entire being. I can also tell you, today at least, that the dust eventually begins to settle, and you don't feel quite so insane, quite so confused.
I would like to end this with something beautiful that Paul said. Ron sent it late last night.
"Objectively, all beliefs shall be your worst nemeses, to coin a purely objective phrase. Once these beliefs have been confronted and challenged and then taken to you and accepted, then your awareness shall be much clearer to you; as a small pool may be still and calm, but the view to the bottom is hampered by many leaves and lily pads upon the top. As you move the leaves and the lily pads aside to attain a better look, you have also stirred up the silt from the murky bottom of this pool.
"Now; viewing is extremely difficult. Many individuals may spend only a moment staring into the murky water and then say to themselves, 'This is too murky. I shall move on and perhaps I shall find a clearer pool.' This may be. However, some individuals may choose to remain and to be content to look around at the beauty that surrounds them whilst waiting patiently form this water to settle, and when it does the results are wondrous! For not only has the water become quite clear; within the stirring of this bottom silt tiny reflective particles have been allowed to settle upon the top of the silt, making this viewing much easier and much more satisfying, for these reflective particles have created an inner light source from the bottom of the pool, as well as the light from without. In this, you have unobstructed clear viewing, while this other individual is just now finding another pool and in this pool are many leaves and lily pads. Until we next speak, ta!"
Thank you again, Ron, Vicki, Mary, and all my good friends there even though I've got your faces all wrong in my head! Some day I will come and meet you and then another mystery will clear!
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