CAROLE: “Is there a way to fine-tune the process – and this is probably going to sound like asking for methods – but a way to fine-tune the process of observing ourselves and our behavior to recognize the belief systems? Maybe the secret sessions that you had were good as far as helping us to fine-tune that understanding of the way our belief systems present themselves.
ELIAS: And you may be presenting this type of action to yourself regardless of our engagement of a secret session. Or, as you allow yourselves to be widening your awareness and becoming more noticing of yourselves, you may be noticing of each of your twinges.
You offer yourselves in EVERY moment opportunities to be fine-tuning to your awareness. Within EVERY interaction that you engage, you are offering yourselves the opportunity to view yourselves more clearly. This be the reason that I am emphasizing to you so very strongly to be within the now continuously, always; to be focusing your attention within the very present now; not within three seconds from now, not within three seconds past, but THIS VERY MOMENT.
CAROLE: We can’t do that though, Elias, because we’re blinking in and out, ’cause I try to focus and stay exactly in the now, and you can’t do it for very long!
ELIAS: Ah, but you can....
CAROLE: You’re blinking in and out all the time!
ELIAS: But you are in continuous motion! Therefore, each now is changing. You are in continuous, perpetual motion and movement and becoming, and this is the point. It is not to be holding to any given moment, but to be noticing each moment as it is created within its now.
CAROLE: So, it’s the flow. I’ve had experiences where for brief moments I can experience like incredible ... incredible what feels like movement, but yet there’s no movement. It’s almost like energy, just like raw energy, and it feels like movement, but yet there’s not movement the way I know it here, like moving through space. It’s really powerful when that happens, and I guess that’s a poignant example of being able to be lucid in that present now.
ELIAS: These types of experiences offer you validation, and also offer you a type of excitement, to be motivating you in the area of being present within the now and noticing within each moment. But you also delude yourselves many times, in looking to these types of experiences as your ’spirituality’ and as your validation of your ‘growth.’ I express to you that within each moment of each now, there is much information that you may be assimilating.
Now; you may begin, if you are so choosing, with your more obvious areas objectively in your fine-tuning, so to speak, and this would move you in the direction of ANY type of conflict or twinge, for you are quite efficient at your dead mouse game! (1) Therefore, conflict gains your attention quite efficiently, but you need not move even into the area of conflict, but merely into your own twinges, which are much less than an expression of conflict, for you may catch yourself before you are creating your expression of conflict.
You may be in interaction with another individual, and the other individual may express any element to you, but may express it to you in the manner of what you would term to be a certain tone of voice, and regardless of the words that the individual is expressing, the tone which accompanies the words shall create a twinge within you, and you shall notice your own automatic response.
Now; within that present now moment, you offer yourself an excellent opportunity to STOP and examine, for no other individual is creating your reality! Therefore, no other individual is doing something TO you. YOU are creating your reality. Therefore, YOU are ‘doing to you.’ I have expressed this to you each previously, but you are not quite understanding yet.
I have offered to you within this forum your terminology of justification; your ‘rights.’ An individual may be expressing harshly to you, and you are within your rights to be expressing in retaliation. An individual may ‘hurt your feelings.’ This is a classic expression! I am quite amused with this expression, for this is a tremendous excuse for you each to be offering judgment upon another individual and turning your attention away from yourselves and not looking to your own creation of your own reality.
No other individual is hurting your feelings. YOU are hurting your feelings, for another individual may be expressing outwardly a statement, but YOU are allowing the penetration, and you are in agreement with this statement, and THIS is producing of your hurt feelings. [I may express to you], ‘You may be inconsiderate at times.’ And you may express to me, ‘This is unacceptable. This is hurting my feelings.’ I am not hurting your feelings. You are in agreement with my statement, and you are expressing within yourself, ‘You are correct. I am unworthy, for I am expressing inconsiderately at times. Therefore, I am bad and unacceptable.’
And where you are not accepting of yourself, you are responding to other individuals, but you are not accepting the responsibility of your own reality and that you are not accepting of yourself, and are expressing your own duplicity. Therefore, you project outwardly to another individual and express that THEY are creating of your reality and THEY are hurting your feelings.
These are the opportunities that you allow yourselves within the moment to be catching yourselves in your automatic movements, your automatic responses. You automatically respond to another individual’s tone. You automatically respond to another individual in harshness. You automatically respond if YOU are feeling defensive, if YOU are feeling hurt, if YOU are feeling unhappy. You shall be automatically projecting to another individual, expressing that they have created this situation. This is your opportunity to view what YOU are creating by stopping within the moment and fine-tuning and questioning yourself, ‘Why am I responding in this manner? What is my payoff? Where am I not accepting of myself, that I am responding to this situation and this expression?’
Practice with your daughter, one time. Practice with your partner, one time. Practice with your children, one time. Practice with your partner, one time ... one time merely. (Looking once at each person)
Offer yourselves the opportunity to STOP, to stop your own outward expression in response, in reaction to another individual.
Not merely, though, your outward expression, for it is quite easy for you all, once, to seal your lips and to not be responding outwardly, but notice inwardly the chatter that you shall create, for this is the point! One time in this situation, as you are expressing, ‘I shall not speak,’ but your thought process runs rampant within you, and you are screaming within your telepathy at this other individual ... for be remembering, it matters not that you do not speak. Energy is projected and individuals receive, and they are aware of what you are projecting regardless of your verbal expression.
Therefore, in this one experiment of one time, notice. Inquire of yourself, ‘Why? Why am I responding in this manner? What is it within me that is suggesting to me that I be defensive, that I am hurting within my feelings? What element of myself am I not worthy within?’ For this is your key. Your own lack of acceptance of self is what is producing of these responses, and subsequently [they] are projected outwardly in the manner that what you are expressing is, ‘I am powerless to be altering of myself in the areas that I am not accepting of myself. Therefore, I shall project outwardly, and I shall alter YOU and I shall alter YOUR behavior, and I shall THEN perceive myself to be adequate and worthy.’
No. Look to self, for all that you create within these outward expressions is a hamster wheel that you both climb upon and run and run and run, and fire at each other your own lack of acceptance of selves, but you do not accomplish acknowledging self and moving in the direction of accepting self. You perpetuate your own lack of acceptance, and you do this in the guise of justification, and justification is always done in the guise of ‘right’ or ‘better.’
CAROLE: I was walking in the woods a few days ago with my husband, and he let a branch go – he was walking in front of me – and the branch hit me in the face. And I told him that he should be more careful, that if he’s got a branch that’s long, he should either snap it off or let me know that it’s coming, and that I was not too happy at being hit in the face. And he said that I should walk far enough behind him so that if a branch gets let go, that I won’t get hit in the face. And so I WAS noticing, I thought. I was watching this whole thing and trying to figure out what was really going on here.
He was not gonna go to the place where he would say that he was sorry that I’d gotten hit in the face. He just basically wanted to make sure that somehow he wasn’t blamed for something, that he wasn’t in trouble, and I could see that he couldn’t stand to not be thought of as good. That bothered him, not to be thought of as good, that he had done something wrong, and I realized that. And I realized that why I was hurt when I was hit in the face was because I couldn’t stand to not be thought of as loved, that he didn’t care enough to make sure that I didn’t get hurt, so that meant that maybe I wasn’t loved enough.
So I had to be loved and he had to be good, and all I could think of in this whole scenario was that the duplicitous nature of us came into play, with always not trusting and accepting ourselves to just simply be okay, to just simply be. He was in his reality, and he was doing it to himself, and I could see that, and I was in my reality, and I was doing it to myself, and I could see that.
But then I think to myself, ‘How do you get from that to acceptance of self?’ ’Cause as soon as you realize that, you realize that you don’t have acceptance of self totally. Otherwise, I would know that I was loved and he would know that he is good, but there isn’t any good or bad, and it starts to get confusing!
ELIAS: But each time that you offer yourself the awareness of these types of examples in this manner, you also may view that it is unnecessary to be judging the situation and the event.
This offers you movement, more and more, into that very acceptance of self, whereas were you not questioning and evaluating, you would move into the area of automatic responses, and in the expression of, ‘You should be walking farther behind,’ there would also be retaliation, and this shall escalate back and forth and be creating of conflict.
But as you stop and you question and you evaluate what you are in actuality expressing, you offer yourself more of an understanding of yourself and what you are expressing and what you are creating, and in this, you are allowing more of an acceptance, and you are allowing more of these birds to fly free.
The expression becomes more automatic as you practice. You are moving into areas that are unfamiliar to you, and you are battling automatic responses, for these areas are VERY familiar to you within your belief systems. Therefore, as you practice in the area of the unfamiliar, it becomes more familiar and it becomes more automatic, and you are not lending energy to that which was automatic. You shall find yourselves, as you practice, automatically questioning, automatically stopping as opposed to automatically responding, and once you have moved through the automatic questioning and automatic stopping, you shall move into the automatic accepting, and this is the point! (Chuckling)
CAROLE: And that will be neutralizing the belief systems.
ELIAS: Quite.” (Chuckling) [session 361, February 12, 1999]
(1) Paul’s note: Elias uses the metaphor of a cat playing with a dead mouse to represent our endless fascination with creating and experiencing conflict, fear, and trauma.
Digests – see also: | accepting self | acceptance 101 | acceptance 102 | belief systems; an overview | blinking in and out | choices/agreements | duplicity | forum | hamster wheel | information | noticing self | trusting self | widening awareness | you create your reality |
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